IDOL WAR: Andrew vs. Gary G.

The Pre-Game Pep Talk

2snaps.tv introduces IDOL WAR: ANDREW vs. GARY G. It's like Dance War, but with talent. Here is how it works: 2Snaps resident reality show expert Andrew Walsh will go head to head with Horroryearbook.com's Gary G in the most intense American Idol showdown since Ruben vs. Clay. They will each serve as Captain of their own Idol Crew. The top twelve will be split evenly between Andrew and Gary. As Captain of their teams they will offer support, criticisms, and a game plan for defeating the other team. The competition goes like this:

*The object of the game is to amass the most amount of points each week.
*Each Idol Crew starts with 100 points.
*After each Tuesday night show the Captain has 100 points to bet on each contestant based on their performance that night.
*The most points you can bet on a contestant is 25 points. The least you can bet is 5 points.
*The objective is to grade your best performers higher than your crappy performers.
*Each Crew keeps the points they bet on the contestants who survive the week.
*Your Crew cannot collect the points of any performer in the bottom three or bottom two.
*If your contestant is eliminated your Crew loses the amount of points you bet on them.
* If the bottom three are all from the same crew, that crew loses all those points whether they are eliminated or not
*As Captain you must manage the loss or gain of points by correctly judging the contestants in your crew.
*The winner at the end of the season receives a tacky trophy and a CD of his favorite Idol performances from the season, paid for and created by the loser. You, the reader, will also have a chance to win this CD in a contest which will be announced during a future Idol War round.

Rules
(Here’s where it gets a little Hasbro/Milton Bradley-esque, so if you feel like it, you can always read this part later and skip to the part where we evaluate our players.)
*If your crew is whittled down to three the max amount of bet points is 40.
*If your crew is whittled down to two the max amount of bet points is 60.
*If your crew is whittled down to one you automatically get 50 points for every week they remain or you can Go ALL IN and bet a full 100 points if you are certain of their surviving the week, but if they are eliminated you lose 100 points.
*If your crew is completely eliminated you can continue to play by correctly guessing the eliminated contestant from the surviving crew each week. 50 points.

THE CREWS

Andrew and Gary G. broke the top twelve into two groups.

The "likely" Top Six.....
(David Archuleta, Carly Smithson, Michael Johns, David Hernandez, Brooke White and Jason Castro)

and the rest of them....
(Amanda Overmeyr, Chikezie, Syesha Mercado, David Cook, Ramiele Malubay, and Kristy Lee Cook).

The editor of 2Snaps then randomly and evenly divided the two groups.

DRUMROLL PLEASE…..........................

Andrew Walsh’s IDOL CREW is

Michael Johns, Brooke White, Jason Castro, Syesha Mercado, Chikezie, Kristy Lee Cook.

Gary G’s IDOL CREW is
David Archuleta, Carly Smithson, David Hernandez, Amanda Overmeyer, Ramiele Malubay, David Cook.

GOOD LUCK TO THE TWO IDOL CREWS.

CAPTAIN’S COMMENTS

THE “COLONEL” GARY G. says:

Alright Crew it's show time, and we All have to pull our weight. No slacking because we have David A. on our team, and that means you David C. and Ramiele. If we are going to get the most amount of points we need you all on your A Games. I have to say this is the most diverse group of talents in a while, but you all have strengths and weaknesses. Let’s work on these shall we.

Oh David Archuleta, my little Robot Child, the Small Wonder of the group. If all else fails, and I can think of three who invariably will, I have you. But let’s not rest on your laurels. The whole Robot Child Saves The World thing is gonna get old really soon. I don't care how many Fundraising events you and your mom have headlined, you are not a damn Goodwill Ambassador, you're a singer, and social message songs coming from a kid who may not have pubic hair is annoying. Act your age! You have a remarkably smoky, husky voice for such an infant, so get sexy with it. You know sex, right? Or maybe you don't. Ask David Hernadez. He Knows! How about some old school Teddy Pendergrass, early Luther Vandross, Barry White. You have the voice for it, use it.

And Carly Smithson, my tattooed Irish rocker with the scary husband (keep him away until the finale please), you're doing pretty well for yourself. Kudos for tapping into my brain waves and singing "I Drove All Night" last week. The rock chick thing actually works for you because you have a great voice, but we need some variety. How about taking a page from Brooke White and stripping it down a bit, give us some pathos with all the big belting. I would normally never suggest a Faith Hill song for anyone, but unlike most of the scrubs who have butchered a FH song you could actually pull it off. Or for that matter any good classic country from Patsy Cline, Brenda Lee, Dolly Parton to name a few. Show Kristy Lee Cook that being country isn't just about being blond and boring.
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Okay, so David "Sexy Meat" Hernandez, you've survived the whole stripper-gate scandal, for now. On the bright side you now have the biggest public profile of any contestant in the competition. Use it wisely. A lot of people who normally wouldn't are going to tune in to see what the stripper is gonna do. You gotta remind people that you can actually sing. You're, in fact, one of the better singers in the group. No more Celine Dion for God’s sake. Try more current music from Justin Timberlake, John Mayer, Maroon 5. The audience needs to see you in the context of the music scene of today, which you actually fit right into. And another thing, THE MUGGING MUST STOP! Laughing and goofing behind the contestant giving their farewell performance will not endear you to the voting public.

Amanda Overmeyr, good comeback last week. You took Paula's advice about toning down the Cruella Deville hair and make-up to heart and it showed that you are actually listening and want to improve. But what happened? Do you need to talk? I have a feeling that you've lost some of that spark. You seemed kind of down during the judges’ remarks, as if you were being admonished for being too outrageous. Well don't take the judges’ comments the wrong way. We like it when you come out and burn the stage with crazy. It was just that, coupled with the insane get up from a few weeks ago, was just too much for a person’s eyes and ears to take. Also, we know you like Rock. What else do you like? Anything? How about some old bluesy stuff like Randy suggested. You have the gritty, growly voice to pull it off so let’s try it.

Look Ramiele, your very cute and the cute thing will take you far, but you are not Mariah Carey, or Whitney Houston, or Celine Dion, or Faith Hill, or Alicia Keys. You're not even Fergie. Do what your inspiration Jasmine Trias did and just cry when Simon is mean to you. Jasmine Trias is now THE BIGGEST POP STAR-in the Philippines. You could be too.

David Cook, I don't know but I had pretty much written you off until last week’s amazing rock-ified version of "Hello". That was pretty damn good. Ya got any more stuff like that up your sleeve? Huh! Unfortunately for you Michael Johns is still in the competition and he pretty much has the Rocker dude thing sewn up, and he's good looking so you’re doubly screwed. Your voice is alright but you are not as hard rock as you think you are. There's a reason that you scored with a Lionel Ritchie song. Try lite rock. Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel, Billy Joel, this is what you should be singing. I have a feeling you could do a killer "In Your Eyes". I know you have a lot of t-shirts and hair coloring invested in being Mr. Hard Rock but the world does not need any more watered down Nickelback, we now have Daughtry for that. Step out of your comfort zone and embrace the inner lite rock inside.

ANDREW “MICKEY” WALSH says:

Brooke, you’re my number one, my ray of sunshine. I expect you to outlast every girl on that stage, which shouldn’t be hard since the only other one who poses any threat to you is Carly Smithson. You have her momentum without the baggage of a pre-Idol “controversy.” I like how expertly you’ve worked your “vibe.” Continue what you’re doing. You know your vocal limitations, which will get you far. It’s not about showing off the biggest voice, but working the one you’ve got like a pro, and you have a much better country inflection than Kristy Lee. I think America’s ready for an alternative to the navel baring celeb-pop-sluts. Fill that void. (Get your mind out of the gutter!)

Michael Johns, you’re my heart throb. Keep getting that young girl/mom/gay guy vote. Those are the main three areas you need to target in order to have a lengthy stay on the Top 12 stage. You don’t have the voice of either David’s A. or H., but you do have charisma, and that goes a looooong way. You have also been the only consistent rocker, so keep that up. Stay in the mid-range, and choose songs that incorporate a lot of performance elements to distract from some of your shortcomings in the upper register, and PLEASE never wear tennis clothes again.

Jason Castro, you’re the new Blake, the guy who the audience believes is offering something new and fresh, but only is in the context of this competition. Ideally I would lose the dreads, but I’m not stupid enough to think that’s going to happen, so I would say try and go for more of a California cool look than the “I just hit the bong” plaid shirt and pants look you’ve been rocking. The grunge era has been over for almost fourteen years. (Man I’m getting old!) Also, the laid back angle is great, but will get boring. Keep working the soulful singer-songwriter aspect, but add an up tempo number to your oeuvre. The audience needs to know you have range as a performer in order to fully get behind you.

Syesha you’re boring me to tears with all the middle-of-the-road ballads. Where’s the Syesha who rocked “Chain of Fools” during Hollywood week (was that the song? Who the hell knows, Hollywood week feels like it happened fifty years ago at this point)? I can’t tell if you’re just here to further your acting career or if you really want to be a recording artist, but you need to figure out how you’re packaging yourself and quick! You’re no Whitney Houston and you’re certainly no Mary J. Blige, so find the middle ground. Don’t make me tired, but don’t act like you’re going to tear anything up either. You’re no Lakisha. Okay, maybe I should stop telling you what you aren’t and start telling you what you ARE. You’re an actress, so ACT the HELL out of a song. Tell a story. Create a recognizable persona other than this year’s token black girl r&b singer. Try some En Vogue, Jody Watley, or for something contemporary, Beyonce. Take a look at the Kimberly Locke/Trenyce loop on YouTube. Also, take the bohemian look a step further. On this show it’s always better to do too much than too little.

Speaking of which, Kristy Lee Cook, since you insist not only on remaining on my television, but joining my team, you need to step out from the background and stick around long enough to knock out some of Gary’s players. In order to do that, you have to do more than just say “I’m country” and think that’s enough to define you. Also, no more talk of accepting a 10th place finish. With the Davids on the other squad, daddy needs you to aim your sights a little higher. Since we’re going the country route, we need to establish right now that you are never to go near Reba’s “Fancy,” anything by Gretchen Wilson, Shelby Lynne, or The Dixie Chicks. You have proven you have no ability to inject sass into a song, and they are all sass. Let’s think along the lines of Trisha Yearwood or LeAnn Rimes. Stay mid to down tempo every chance you can. I just need you to cut a boring blonde path through the middle of the pack and then you can go find your horse.

Finally, Chickezie, do everything in your power to hold back your anger during judging. I know Simon can be harsh, but try and take it with a grain of salt and remember that often the harsher he is, the more the audience feels bad for you. Unlike Kristy, you DO have attitude, so use it in your songs. The Donnie Hathaway performance was great. Try some Luther, it worked for Rueben. Anytime you see a song on the approved list that has an in your face quality, go for it. Don’t get lost in the adult contemporary, over played Stevie Wonder ghetto. I love Stevie, but the songs have been done to death. You also have the benefit of exploiting white guilt since you are the lone black male on the stage. Use it.

Join us tomorrow for round 1 of IDOL WAR: ANDREW vs. GARY G., then see the results on Thursday. Show your support below! Are you on Team: Gary or Team: Andrew?