HOLY WHITE TRASH BATMAN! Jamie Lynn Spears Spends Birthday at Wal-Mart!

Jamie Lynn Spears and her sperm donor Casey Aldridge celebrated her 17th birthday at Wal-Mart followed by a white trash dinner at Ruby Tuesday.

Now that I think about it, when I was 17 I took my girlfriend to Ruby Tuesday because I didn't know any better. She was 16, not knocked up and named Crystal. True story, I swear. We were not celebrating anyone's birthday, I just wanted to "experience" eating out because my family went out only once a year, when my Grandfather won big in Atlantic City and my mom would force us to dress up to go to Red Lobster.

Unfortunately, we skipped Wal-Mart and the pre-exchanging of bodily fluids part because I was able to shake some of my white trash genes. I, however, still walk around barefoot, drink Budweiser and have Crystal's name tattooed on my arm. I wonder where good old Crystal is these days.

A source told People: "It was just the two of them, they were like a little adult couple, very low-key," but not low-key enough ,since this story is all over the Internet.