Clay Aiken: Yes, I'm Gay

I don't even know what to type, this is like breaking a story claiming the Earth is round, or telling the world that the sun will come up tomorrow. Maybe for the thousands of delusional Clay Aiken fans out there this comes as a shock, but for anyone living in reality it is the least surprising news of 2008.

Drum roll....

Clay Aiken is gay! Gayken told People magazine he could not continue living the worst lie ever.

"It was the first decision I made as a father," Aiken, 29, tells the upcoming issue of People on newsstands Friday. "I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things. I wasn't raised that way, and I'm not going to raise a child to do that."

Clay is also worried that the news may overwhelm his fans.

Cue Laugh Track...But the sad thing is he may be right. The delusional world of 400lb single fat women is a delicate one; it is a world where people like Aiken are not gay, and hot men want to bang women because of their "personalities," not their looks. We are talking about women who sit alone in their doublewides, decorated with pictures of Garfield, while eating ho-hos and fantasizing about "men" like Fabio and Aiken reading them poetry. Its a scary place and I wouldn't want to be the person who shattered their fantasy. So yeah Clay you may have a lot of pissed off fans out there, but no worries, they are too lazy to get off the couch to do anything. Just don't expect to sell any records for ahwile.