American Idol War: Double Elimination

Tonight two people go home, so that means two coaches could lose points in Idol War, or even more exciting -- one judge could lose two contestants in one week! It also seems we have some different opinions on American Idol, while we were all in agreement that last weeks performances were quite a bore, I thought Matt Giruad being saved by the judges added an interesting spin, and that having no mentor helped speed up the show. No one liked the two judge critique teams, and they quickly saved the show by eliminating the pointless intro segments to avoid this. Just let the contestants sing and the judges speak. That is why we tune in isn't it?

Meanwhile it seems The Colonel Gary G. has tapped out on this season, will things get better after this week, or will we get stuck watching Gokey sleepwalk his way to the final three? Only time will tell and this is why we play the game folks...

Ladies and Gentlemen. This…(PAUSE FOR THIRTY SECONDS) is IDOL WAR!

Welcome back to our hit Idol War, 2Snaps' gayer version of fantasy football. Three coaches compete in an American Idol competition by betting points on the contestants while evaluating their performances and offering advice.

For complete rules click here

Idol War Standings:
Andrew “Mickey” Walsh - 490
The Colonel Gary G - 480
Tha Coach WIL Double - 340

Idol War Teams:
Gary - Anoop Desai, Matt Giruad, Danny Gokey
WIL - Allison Iraheta
Andrew - Lil Rounds, Kris Allen, Adam Lambert

American Idol Preview

Theme: Disco

Vote For the Worst Pick: Lil Rounds
Last Week's Loser Matt Giraud saved from elimination by the judges.
Last Week's Bottom Three: Matt Giraud, Anoop, Lil Rounds

Andrew “Mickey” Walsh:
I don’t know how to tell the rest of you this, but Kris is the one I want to win. Sorry Adam, I know you’re crazy and “unpredictable” (except for the fact that you are TOTALLY predictable), Lil, well, my feelings for you are well known (GO HOME!), and the rest who aren’t on my team? Well, if your name isn’t Allison Iraheta, then I am seriously rooting for you to lose. The Final Three should be Allison, Kris, and Adam, but ultimately, I want Alli or Kris to win.

Lil Rounds, Randy keeps saying yyesou have a “big ol’ voice” over, and over, and over again, but the truth is, you don’t. Your number one problem isn’t “artisty,” it’s your inability to find the damn pitch. The only person who screams more than you on this show is Danny Gokey, and who knows why he has escaped the bottom 3 for so long. If you want to know what they mean by artisty then look at you teammates!
You are such a freaking cliché it’s unbelievable. Out of all the songs you could’ve picked from Disco Week, of course you picked “I’m Every Woman.” It’s the one Whitney/Chaka song in the bunch. I’m almost surprised you didn’t pick “Don’t Leave Me this Way” or “Last Dance.” You just don’t get it. Unfortunately, you are this season’s Syesha Mercado. You just won’t go away. You know where she is now? Singing the theme song for “Good Day [insert local Fox Affiliate here]”. Good luck with that. Hope you go home. Since I have to, I’m betting 10 points on you. BUM!

Adam Lambert, you have followed the same pattern every week since the beginning: one week you are a cringe inducing, over the top, “Satisfaction” nightmare, and the next you are a brilliant, “Tracks of My Tears,” “Mad World,” revelation. Tonight’s performance of that Bee Gees song I’m too drunk to look up falls into the latter category. Amazing, heart-wrenching, emotionally connected, and all around awesome. When you’re on kid, you’re on. The problem is, for me, you are inconsistent. Sometimes I love you, and sometimes I just want your Constantine-esque theatrics to go away. Can’t you be slicked back hair, suit Adam all the time? I guess not, or that would be boring too. At least you aren’t screaming at me like Danny or Lil. 30 points.

Kris Allen, you are my American Idol. You were brilliant this week! Honestly! Who else would’ve thought of making such an amazing cover out of “She Works Hard for the Money?” I don’t know what Paula was on about, but I don’t care what underwear you had on, I was throwing mine at the screen! Speaking of which, when are we going to tell your wife you’re leaving her for me? You just all around have it: the look, the personality, the talent, and the solid consistency. You haven’t buckled under the pressure, you’ve thrived. GO KRIS! I just might break my no voting rule for you! 60 points

Tha Coach WIL Double I'm down to one contestant, Allison Iraheta, which means I have to bet all my points on her and if she is eliminated I will be eliminated with her.

I think I am pretty safe this week... Go Allison!

Well the outfit was better...I guess. You didn't totally look like a 16-year-old playing dress-up in grandma's closet, but unfortunately we can't do anything about the fact that you resemble one of those troll dolls. Besides that it dawned on me last night that you are everything the judges wanted Lil to become. Someone who can sing any genre of song, and make it their own each night. The judges are right, people want to see what kind of recording artist you will be, not what songs you can copy the best. It is sad watching Lil not get it every week, and it must kill her that you get the idea behind Idol so effortlessly, while she has not a clue. She looks like the confused, awkward 16-year-old that you were when the competition started... A lost deer in the headlights while the judges shoot at her randomly, I'm glad I got you and not her.

I know I tell you this every week but just keep doing what you're doing; taking whatever theme they throw at you and make it your own. To survive to the final three or even the top two you're going to have to pull something spectacular out of your ass the last few rounds, however, be very careful! Do not do something so risky that is cost you our chance to win. 100 points

The Colonel Gary G.

Look people I have things to do that are actually important to me and I cannot muster any excitement or enthusiasm for this season of Idol. It's done. Just give that shit to Adam or Kris and lets pretend this never happened. Seriously. Don't we all have better things to do. It looks as if at least one of my guys if not two are going home so maybe I'll have more to say for the Elimination but for now, I have another disc of Battlestar Galactica to watch. I'm out.

ANOOP DESAI 10 POINTS
MATT GIRAUD 10 POINTS
DANNY GOKEY 80 POINTS

Tonight elimination, tomorrow the losing coach(es) speak.