The Triumph of Kris Allen

Wow. Kris Allen is the 2009 American Idol. Who would’ve thought all those weeks ago when you seemed to virtually materialize out of thin air on the Top 36 stage that you would take home the crown? When I first picked you for my Idol War Team, I recall explaining to a surprised Colonel that I chose you because I thought your hotness would earn me points for a few weeks. I was playing a strategy, not realizing that I was inadvertently picking the winner.

Randy has said ad nauseam throughout the season that this is “a singing competition,” but to paraphrase Jamie Foxx, that does not mean it is necessarily the “throat Olympics.” Despite Randy’s mid-eighties, early nineties diva definition of singing, the actual art of singing involves more than just the ability to hit every note in creation. Singing also involves emotional connection, the ability to tell a story, and the ability to know how to use what you have. I’m not saying that Adam doesn’t possess these qualities, but I think Kris most certainly does and that is why the viewing audience felt compelled to vote for him. As much as Adam’s season long string of surprises changed the game, so did Kris’ win. In many ways it shows that the contest has evolved from focusing solely on who has the biggest range; now there is a case for who has shown the most artistic growth; who has overcome the odds, connected with, and surprised the audience by thriving despite the lack of hype.

If you look back on the season, there are definitely enough great performances that make a case for Kris Allen’s triumph.

“Remember the Time”
“Ain’t No Sunshine”

“Falling Slowly”

“She Works Hard for the Money”

“The Way You Look Tonight”
“Heartless”

I mean, come on! That’s six great performances! No one other than Adam or Allison had nearly as many. Most seasons a contestant’s lucky to have two or three.

Yes, Adam was flashier and his voice was certainly unique, but Kris was the little contestant who could, chugging away each and every week delivering mostly outstanding performances, and almost never getting the credit he deserved. As I said before he was the package artist they claimed to be looking for when they chose Megan Joy over any number of better singers.

His win really is a giant screw you to one of the most heavy handed producer manipulated seasons in the show’s history. How disrespectful was it for Paula Abdul and company to declare a Danny/Adam final 2 back at the beginning of the Top 13? Week after week they continued that thread no matter how good Kris or anyone else was! It wasn’t until Top 3, when Kris delivered the stellar “Heartless” performance, that the judges even gave him any real credit.

The judges have been so checked out and biased this season, and I think that also lead to the Kris win. I truly believe the audience reached a point where it was sick of being told who to choose. I think the viewers were connecting with the singers, and really hearing them, better than the judges Randy once again solely praised bombast and over-singing. He is a diva whore who only responds to melisma and power notes. Kara provided more of the same, completely failing to deliver on her promise of bringing something new and fresh to the competition, and I definitely think part of that has to do with the rumored tension between her and Paula. You could almost see the judges’ table dividing down the middle like a high school cafeteria: Kara and Randy versus Paula and Simon. It became less about the singers and more about the judges vying for airtime. At times they were downright disrespectful to the contestants they didn’t deem worthy of their attention. Allison and Kris would deliver a great performance, and instead of offering valid critiques, the judges would draw mustaches on each other’s faces and punch each other in the tits. If that’s how the show’s going to roll then why not do what Wil once suggested and put Janice Dickinson on the panel? At least she’s entertaining.

As for the other two, Paula did what she always does, which is fall in love with two random male contestants and champion them all season long, but it was Simon who proved to be the biggest disappointment. For someone who prides himself on understanding what’s current with an eye on marketability, he completely missed the one contestant who was an obvious slam dunk. For the first time I really felt like he lost the pulse of what was going on outside the bubble of that auditorium. Not only was he checked out, but he was clearly towing the party line: Gokey/Lambert finale. Instead of really looking closely and seeing who was offering something the audience wanted, and listening to how they were obviously responding very favorably to him on results night, he became entrenched in promoting the old Idol standbys: diva singer (Lil), dude who appeals to middle America(Danny), and the rocker (Adam), all at the expense of Allison, Kris, and to some extent Alexis Grace.

I in no way mean for this to take away from Adam. Believe me, I would’ve been just as happy with an Adam Lambert victory, but I think in all the hype regarding him and whether or not he would be the first gay Idol, the media and the show lost sight of the fact that this isn’t about validating someone’s need to see a gay person win, it’s about who captured the hearts of the audience. It should never have been about his sexuality and I don’t think for most of us it ever was really. For crying out loud, it’s not like we’ve never had successful openly gay singers before! Have you heard of Elton John, Freddie Mercury, or Boy George? America chose them with their wallets, so what’s the difference now? I am a proud, openly gay man and I never invested in an Adam win because of his (alleged) sexual preference, I invested in him because of his undeniable talent and uniqueness. I will certainly be buying his album when it drops. I know the headlines will ask questions such as “Is America Ready for a Gay Idol” but I think that misses the point entirely. I think America rebelled against the idea that they were being told who to vote for.

I think at the end of the day, the choice of Kris Allen as champ is good for the show, just as I felt the David Cook win was good for the show. It proves that ultimately the audience will decide who wins, not the producers or the hype machine. I am really kind of proud of Kris for never buckling to that pressure like many past contestants who clearly gave up in the face of what seemed like a futile uphill battle against pre-ordained winners. Also, I think I kind of love his family.
This was a great season. There were at least three people I could’ve been really happy to see win (Allison, Kris, Adam), there were many talented singers, and like all good television, a surprise ending.

Speaking of the ending, a damned Amber Alert interrupted the final moments of the show right after the winner was announced, so I only got to see the last two minutes of Kris’ triumph. I almost shot my TV. It was like that Simpsons episode where those nerds unplug the TV right at the moment Scratchy was about to finally kill Itchy. So frustrating!
Finally, the highlights and lowlights of the night.

Highlights:

-Adam’s insane outfit during his brilliant matchup with Kiss. That’s the kind of shit I need from my rock stars! Work it!

-The Adam/Kris/Queen matchup. Not only did they both sound great, but they both seemed to genuinely enjoy each other and the moment.

-Kris finally finding a good duet partner in Keith Urban.

-Allison and Cyndi Lauper singing “Time After Time.” It was a match made in Mickey’s heaven.

-Ryan looking adorable in Nick Mitchell’s glasses. Okay, I admit it, I’m a closet Seacrest lover

(don’t hate me Colonel!).

Lowlights:

-Danny Gokey plus Lionel Richie. ‘Nuff said. Has the guy ever sung anything past the late ‘80’s?

-The return of Megan Joy Corkery. She actually has an interesting voice but no clue how to use it. It’s like watching a caveman try to use a scalpel. She just flails around with notes hoping it all works out.

-The group numbers.

-Having to watch Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle do his boring shtick again! This is the reason America you had to set your DVR’s for extra time! Think about that.

-While I enjoyed hearing Kara’s surprisingly nice singing voice, I really wish she hadn’t ripped her dress open. It kind of ruined the whole thing for me. Her whole deal was that she was above the Bikini Girl nonsense.

-Fergie’s live vocals. If I were a current pop star, I think I would be embarrassed to come on this show and realize that two-thirds of the contestants could sing circles around me. She’s like a slightly better Megan.

-For a show that prides itself on finding someone current, they sure can’t seem to find very many current acts to perform on their stage.

All in all, I really enjoyed this season, and I’m satisfied with the winner. Adam, you know I love you, thanks for contributing to my Idol War win. They always say it, but in this case I think it’s true: you have a bright future ahead of you.

Congratulations Kris! I think you have a lot of pressure on you now to prove that your win wasn’t a fluke, because there will be many who will think you didn’t deserve it. Don’t listen to them.
Well, on behalf of all the other coaches, thanks for reading and see you next year. Mickey, the 2009 IDOL WAR CHAMP IS OUT!

-- Andrew “Mickey” Walsh

Idol War is 2Snaps' gayer version of fantasy football, where three coaches compete in an American Idol competition by betting points on the contestants while evaluating their performances and offering advice.

Idol War Coaches and final point totals

Andrew “Mickey” Walsh - 830
The Colonel Gary G - 760
Tha Coach WIL Double - 440