Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

6 movies down. 2 more to go. We can then move on with our lives...

After drawing the ire of millions of pointy-hatted, robe-wearing, wand-waving Potterphiles by pulling the antepenultimate Harry Potter movie from its original Thanksgiving release date (if you remember, Twilight and Australia opened during that weekend leaving a great majority of moviegoers over 12 and without training bras less than thankful), Harry Potter and Half-Blood Prince finally makes its way into theaters and judging by the trip-digit melanoma marinated lines around multiplexes, not a moment too soon.

I don’t consider myself a Potter expert, but like the majority of the free world I’ve helped line JK Rowling’s silky British pockets by reading the books (only finished the novels sometime last summer) and seeing the movies. I’m of the bent that the darker the series got, the better it became.

My least favorite of the movies are the first 2 Chris Columbus “kids” movies as they’re haltingly uneven and it doesn’t take very long for them to wear out their 2.5 hours + running time. Apparently the OD (Original Dumbledore) Richard Harris didn’t like them much either since he, you know, died and left the more than capable Michael Gambon holding the hat.

Personal Favorite: the 3rd movie, Prisoner of Azkaban, the transition film between the family film dorkiness and the darkness that would saturate the later stories. Plus, it’s Gary Oldman and Emma Thompson’s first appearances, which is never, ever a bad thing.

How does Half-Blood Prince stand in the HP cinema canon? Third best, behind Prisoner of Azkaban and Order of the Phoenix but just ahead of The Goblet of Fire (despite the Beauxbaton girls and Robert Pattinson getting offed).

In retrospect, the release date change seems hinky and ill-advised because watching Half-Blood Prince, it feels more like a deliberately paced (that’s a nice way of saying it’s molasses-slow at times) fall movie rather than a slam-bang Summer crowd pleaser...not that it’ll really matter since you and everyone you know will see it anyway.

Half-Blood Prince takes place a couple of weeks after the events in Order of the Phoenix. Harry’s still grieving over his godfather Sirius’ death, but he’s getting over it little by little. Maybe hanging out in the Muggle world and banging a lithe and very interested waitress (“I get off at 11...maybe you can tell me about that tosser Harry Potter”) will get him out of the emo dumps before he starts sad-flapping his hair.

Harry’s about to get his cream-filled wand on before his good friend and Hogwarts overseer Dumbledore cockblocks him...for a very good reason.

He’s whisked away to the rather unkempt home of Horace Slughorn (Oscar Winner Jim Broadbent), a former Hogwarts teacher with a stage-parent’s penchant for collecting pictures of his prize students- the students that actually did something with their lives. It seems that Harry would fall into that celebrity student category. Why are they there? Because Dumbledore wants to re-recruit Slughorn back to Hogwarts to teach. Slughorn says yes. Did Harry really need to be there?

As if you couldn’t deal with enough teenage angst, it seems that our little blanched bad boy Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) has been assigned something a little more than homework and trying to beat off without having those pictures in his room look at him during his 6th year at Magic U: Lord Voldemort has chosen him to do...something.

What exactly is it? We’re not sure as of this moment, but it has his mommy Narcissa (Helen McCrory) in a maternal bind seeing as how her husband Lucius is now in Azkaban and her sister Bellatrix (Helena Bonham Carter) is completely unhinged.

Despite being married to a Death Eater and following the Amon Goethe of the magical world, Narcissa is a mother first and she would do anything in the world to protect her little Draco. So she and her sister enlist the aid of someone who knows pretty much all the ins and outs of Hogwarts, and more importantly has the ear of the mighty Dumbledore: Professor Snape (Alan Rickman). Through some unbreakable magical binding, Snape is beholden to protect Draco at the cost of his own life.

And the school year hasn’t even started...

Back at the ‘Warts, Harry is reunited with his Best Friends for Life or Until One of Them Dies Hermione and Ron (Rupert Grint and Emma “Legal” Watson). Hermione and Ron notice they may be attracted to one another and Harry becomes aware that little Ginny Weasely (Bonnie Wright), means a little more to him than just being Ron’s red-bobbed little sister.

Dumbledore finally breaks to Harry the real reason why Professor Slughorn was brought back to Hogwarts. Slughorn’s mind contains a purposely altered memory that may hold the key to defeating Lord Voldemort. And Harry, being just the kind of student Slughorn sucks up to, may be the only one that can get it from him. Or else they’re all pretty much fucked.

Does Harry get the memory and unlock the key to vanquishing Voldemort and who is the unusually helpful Half-Blood Prince?

Do Ron and Hermione finally snog?

Why does Draco continually hide in that dresser drawer for minutes at a time (with an ever dwindling bottle of aloe)?

And what is it with Dumbledore’s charbroiled hand?

All these questions and more will be answered in a little under 3 hours, not including trailers, ads, and the wait in line under the hot summer sun. Or just look online where I’m sure you can get all kinds of Harry Potter Spoilers. Or just ask somebody who’s read the books.

What works with Harry Potter 6-

1) During the rather sluggish first hour, the moments of adolescent awkwardness which pretty much everyone can relate to hit emotional gold, including Ron and Harry’s discussion on girls’ skin and Harry eating dessert and seeing someone else he’d like...for dessert (“He sure enjoyed dessert”).

2) Luna Lovegood’s (Evanna Lynch) and her Lady Gaga outfits, lion head included.

3) Michael Gambon gets probably more lines as Dumbledore in this movie than he had in the previous 3 and makes the most of it. Who would have thought that Dumbledore drinking something could be one of the scariest moments of the entire series?

4) Helena Bonham Carter, barely in the movie longer than her appearance in Order of the Phoenix, makes her every moment count as nutty Bellatrix (“I killed Sirius Black!!!”). Tim Burton’s Baby Mamma knows that the movies are about the kids, but that the adults should have a little scenery chewing fun as well. We almost forget that she was in the passable but ultimately forgettable T4 earlier this summer...since pretty much everyone else has already forgotten about that movie.

5) As they should, the last 20 minutes make up for any dawdling spots in the first 2 hours. If you’ve seen the movie, you know why. If you’ve read the books, you know why. You may want to raise your wands and pour out a little liquor.

What doesn’t work-

1) Like I wrote, the movie’s first hour is more than a little draggy, but we tolerate it because, after 5 previous movies, we actually care about these characters. Still, I did notice some of the younger audience members getting jimmy legs waiting for something to occur other than a logjam of exposition scenes.

2) Though necessary for one rather tedious piece of story info (a vial of Luck potion), the scenes showing Ron’s Quidditch exploits really should have been cut if only for time, as the scenes aren’t that exciting in and of themselves.

3) Anything involving the Half-Blood Prince feels thrown away and barely developed and the only reason that the story line is mentioned is because...it’s the title of the movie.

Overall. Harry Potter and Rowling’s Cash Cow continues to deliver, if only in varying degrees. Half-Blood Prince belongs on the top half of the 6 Potter films in terms of quality, but you notice that the filmmakers seem to be saving the best for last, which isn’t necessarily a negative thing. But because of a sludgy first hour, Half-Blood Prince remains a minor stall in the steamroll towards Deathly Hallows. At least now you only have to wait a year and a half...