Jennifer's Body (2009)

Megan Fox, while grabbing her girlfriend’s breasts, “These are smart bombs. Just point them and shit gets real.”

Megan Fox is Jennifer and Amanda Siegfried plays her friend Needy, who’s well, a little needy. Fox gets violated in some way by some emo punks, turns into a demon, and then consumes boys to become immortal.

Fuck, let’s get this out of the way. I don’t care for Diablo Cody. I don’t love her or hate her. I just don’t care much really. I nearly hated Juno, but not for the mildly annoying dialogue coming out of the mildly annoying Ellen Page. I just don’t like babies or baby talk. And I don’t really care that Cody was a stripper. This has no effect on her ability to write. I’m writing naked right now and I bet you can’t tell. And I don’t care that she won an Oscar because those damn things are rigged anyway.

Honestly? Jennifer’s Body rocked. I saw critics at the press screening furiously scribbling away at their little notepads being all smart-like while I was busy, you know, laughing and such. It was a fun time. I felt like Sam Raimi directed an episode of Degrassi High and tossed in a super hot chick just to make me happy. You get to see Fox levitate, throw up black bile, take her top off, and fight a girl. Jesus, I really couldn’t ask for much more, but then they tossed in the kitchen sink too.

I mean, can you really take this movie seriously? Can you really discuss whether or not Fox is a serious actress now? She’s fucking hot, and here she even manages to deliver some funny lines. The scene where an emo boy tries to awkwardly ask her out on a date is hilarious and cringe-worthy. And the film stars Amy Sedaris (“Strangers with Candy”) as a dysfunctional mom and Adam Brody (“The OC”) as the predatory singer with too much eyeliner. That sentence alone makes me giggle.

It deals with some heavy shit too like date rape, lesbianism, negligent parents, religion, mass media hysteria, fandom insanity, and shitty indie bands that you’re probably friends with on MySpace.

Besides all the fun this was for me, I really liked that the film touched on the weird love/hate relationships girls have with one another. This isn’t something guys can understand too well. But all girls have had at least one girl friendship that was an oddball mixture of companionship, jealousy, envy, sexual tension, physical curiosity, and more. This film deals with the power of loving and hating someone simultaneously, which is why Jennifer’s only weakness, and ultimate destruction, makes sense. This person becomes one half you, hence Needy’s ability to know and see and hear things about Jennifer that she shouldn’t be able to.

Oh yeah, their lesbian kiss scene is super hot. There is an extreme close up of their tongues sliding in and out of each other’s mouths and then you see them touching each other. This really turned me on. But then I realized that the men in the audience were gasping because they were shocked. Yeah, you read that right. Guys are fucking weird.

I read a few other reviews where they complain about dumb teenage subplots. But I think there are a few clever and somewhat disturbing scenes. Like the sex. At one point, you have this poor emo boy seduced by Fox (you’ve probably seen this in the trailer). This guy gets exactly what he asked for, unfortunately. This is contrasted with the “Final Girl” having sex with her boyfriend (oh no!) and it somehow morphs into a pseudo-rape scene. Speaking of which, the sacrifice scene is something straight out of a Rape Revenge flick. There technically is no rape-age, but it is disturbing. You will feel so bad just watching Fox cry as the guy asks her what her name is again. Fucker is violating her and can’t even remember a bitch’s name? Guys are such jerks.

Also, the film changes the definition of what a Final girl is. This Final Girl bangs her boyfriend and that’s okay. This Final Girl fights another chick with a phallic symbol and yields one of the best lines of the film, which I won’t blow for you. This Final Girl rescues her boyfriend instead of running around screeching.

So I definitely recommend this film. It is truly something to have a friend of mine tell me after watching it that he didn’t need to see it with me because he knew even though I wasn’t next to him, that we were laughing at all the same parts. Ahhh, that’s so sweet. I did manage to look up some other reviews to see what people thought and the heavy criticism bummed me out. But I firmly stick by what I said. I don’t care if anyone disagrees with me on this. I have a feeling once all the Cody-was-a-stripper, Fox-should-be-a-stripper talk wears off, that people will be able to see what this film really is- just a fun flick.