2010 Oscars: My 2 cents: Best Actress and Best Supporting Actor

2010 Oscars: My 2 cents: Best Actress and Best Supporting Actor: Now with more Colons!

Amidst dwindling ratings because of nominated films nobody would actually pay to see (The Reader, Frost/Nixon from last year, The Dark Knight’s shafting- which gets even more egregious as time goes by), interminable running times and dance numbers that make you want to have something sharp meet with something sensitive, The Academy of Movies with Overpriced tickets have decided to try to spike and spice up the awards by expanding the Best Picture field from 5 to 10 nominees (to squeeze in something we’d actually see instead of costume dramas about dead people and Holocaust drearies about dead people), well placed nudity and random beatings. Plus a member of the audience gets to use a rifle to shoot at the stage when the musical numbers get too long and boring. Aim for the head, lucky audience member, aim for the head.

We’ll find out if the shameless baiting works on Sunday March 7th. Or, based on the ratings anyway, some of us will as the rest of us have lives to lead. We’re there however, if Alec Baldwin mentions the words “Schwetty Balls” or if Steve Martin promises to never ever do another Pink Panther.

Personal favorite nomination: District 9 for Best Picture. Yeah, it’s a tad overrated and the ending goes into autopilot, but I’d rather watch that than highfalutin movies about illiterate pedophile Nazis any day of the week. Plus, no awful Leona Lewis song during the end Credits like in Avatar. Because little Christopher Johnson is so cute and handy with machinery, I’ve decided to keep one of those little Prawns as a pet...but now I have to remember to feed it. Still, he’s got his own little leash and everything and stays in the cupboard like Harry Potter

Worst Nomination: The Blind Side for Best Picture. I’ll get into it more when I do Best Pic, but this gaggingly shallow movie really isn’t that good, much less one of the 10 Best movies of the year. More on that later...

Will be doing Best Supporting Actor and Best Actress and will finish with the other acting awards, Best Director and Best Picture, conveniently doled out in bite sized portions over the next couple of weeks before March 7th...maybe.

Best Supporting Actor- like last year, 4 good/decent nominations that are going to lose to one great performance. But this time, the guy’s ALIVE!!!

Matt Damon for Invictus- Why this for MD instead of his much better work in The Informant!? It’s not a bad performance, but there’s really not much to the character itself other than a South African accent. Damon’s previous acting nomination was for the generic Good Will Hunting, yet he was snubbed for his work in The Talented Mr. Ripley and The Departed. One of these days, he’ll be nominated for something he deserves.

Woody Harrelson in the Messenger- capping off a great ‘09 only eclipsed by Sandra Bullock. Harrelson goes tight-lipped teaching Ben Foster how to go about the job of telling relatives of war victims their loved ones have just eaten it. But does he have a DEEP DARK SECRET? Watch The Messenger to find out...as it’s another movie that should have been nominated for Best Picture instead of The Blind Side. We loved him in Zombieland and have already forgiven him for 2012. Too bad he doesn’t have prayer of winning....as I’d love to see what he lights up if he wins

Christopher Plummer in The Last Station- for that small cadre of people pining for a biopic about Leo Tolstoy, this is the movie you’ve been waiting your entire lives for. If the 20 of you pay for a ticket to see the same screening of this movie, your presence alone will make The Last Station outgross The Box and Saw 6 combined. Odd that Leo Tolstoy advocated celibacy after having 13 children. From what I’m led to believe, doesn’t celibacy mean NOT having sex? Or maybe tried the celibacy thing after about 10 kids

Stanley Tucci in The Lovely Bones - stellar work, though like some, I’ve gotta wonder which costume designer decided to make Tucci’s child molesting killer look like...exactly what you’d expect a child molesting killer to look like. With the comb-over, Harry Reems Mustache and the unsubtle leer, he’s the guy we automatically suspect is hanging around playground with his hand in one pocket fondling the candy he’s going to give the kiddies and the other hand in the other pocket...visualizing his victory. Might as well have had a sticker with “Hi, I’d to rape and kill your kid” attached to his 70’s molest-o-wear since it’s written all over his face. Good thing Tucci’s a good enough actor not to have the child-molester stigma define him as an actor

Christoph Waltz in Inglourious Basterds- they could save the ceremony a good 15 minutes by just giving him the Oscar right now. Since he’s won every award imaginable for Hans Landa, simply because he’s friggin’ awesome. Whether it’s asking for a glass of milk or changing the course of the war with a phone call, Waltz owns every scene he’s in. If he doesn’t win, I will give you $14...

Who should win- Christoph Waltz. I had do idea who he was a year ago and I’ll be you didn’t either, but there’s no way he doesn’t win this award.

Who I want to Win- See above. If you’ve seen it, and you probably have (SPOILER!!!), don’t you love how Landa gets what he deserves even though he doesn’t die?

Who Will Win- Christoph Waltz... The only we he could lock in this Award even more is if he were to suddenly OD on something and die. But we’re all hoping that doesn’t happen. Of course, I was wrong about Mickey Rourke winning last year, but so was everyone else

Best Actress- Only slightly stronger than last year’s field but still weak overall as the Best Supporting Actress nods are more balanced. Plus, this 5 has Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side. Ughhh....

Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side- Ughhh...Rich Spoiled White Woman takes in Unfortunate Negro because Pilates instructor went skiing that week. Then, she learns him some Foot-bawl. Thick hick accent and After-school Special inspiration ensue.

Helen Mirren in The Last Station- she won three years ago, so she doesn’t really have a chance, but she’s appropriately stately and pissed-off as Leo Tolstoy’s put upon wife. It’s the kind of performance you’re going to rent instead of seeing in the theater.

Carey Mulligan in An Education- 16-year old girl has affair with creepy/stylish 30something year old perv and gives newcomer Carey Mulligan a chance for an Oscar. She should win...but she won’t.

Gabourney Sadibe in Precious- She’d have a better chance of winning if her Precious Co-star wasn’t going to win Best Supporting Actress. For those of you young actresses, hoping to be nominated in the future, it helps if your character is repeatedly raped by your father and abused every which way by your mother. It also helps if you can act. Sorry, Jessica Alba....

Meryl Streep- her annual nomination comes as no surprise, yet one wonders if she’s pissed off that she’s been nominated so many times yet hasn’t won since the early 80’s. Maybe she should storm off in a huff if she doesn’t win or pull a Kanye if Bullock wins. And please don’t make out with Sandra Bullock again...because I think we’d all rather see Penelope Cruz and Anna Kendrick lock lips.

Who should win- Carey Mulligan, because everything about her work is better than Bullock’s...and everyone else’s. Simple enough.

Who I want to Win- Mulligan because she deserves it, Streep because...why not?

Who Will Win- Based on awards momentum...Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side...Ughhhh. Granted, I like Sandra Bullock, but not for this. Hell, she was better in the original Speed (or even in Demolition Man) than this vomitous mass. Man in the Sky, I hope she doesn’t win...

Next time, Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress...unless I completely forget about doing it or just don’t bother