the apocalypse

Way back on 6-5-08 I had a vision of the NEW Apocalypse, where four babies would be born to take the place of the Four Horsemen, ushering in the end of the world as we know it.

Step One: Nicole Ritchie gives birth.
Step Two: Clay Aiken gives birth.
Step Three: Paris Hilton gives birth (2009).
Step Four: The last yet-to-be announced baby is born to take the lead of the Horsemen.

This morning Clay Aiken announced that his son was born Friday -- via his website:

Aiken wrote: "My dear friend, Jaymes, and I are so excited to announce the birth of Parker Foster Aiken (No hyphens. One first name. One middle name. One last name). Parker was born at a hospital in North Carolina just this morning at 8:08 a.m. Wow...8:08...08/08/08."

I have yet to decipher what the "08/08/08" stands for, but perhaps it is the new homosexual 666!

If my prophecy is correct and Paris Hilton is with child in 2009 we are so screwed. It will be time to dump your porn collection, throw out your heroin stash and pray to the gods for forgiveness. I hope they have the Internet in Hell, because it will be so boring down there without it.

First just let me say that claiming Paris Hilton spawning is the sign of the apocalypse may not be that original, but I said it a long time ago, so now that everyone is saying it doesn't mean I ripped it off. I actually predicted that the babies of Nicole Ritchie, Clay Aiken, Paris Hilton and a fourth unknown celebrity will replace the Four Horsemen and usher in our doom!

Some pictures of Hilton looking pregnant have been floating around online, but if you look closely it just looks like she has one of those emaciated, skinny-belly bumps. You know the kind of stomachs you see on the kids in those starving children ads.

Hilton has already said she doesn't plan to get knocked up until 2009, which should buy us plenty of time to repent and get in good with God -- before we all banished to the fires of hell.  read more »

I told you that Clay Aiken should have never reproduced, now Universal Studios Hollywood is burning. I'm telling you the apocalypse is near people.

Geeks of Doom reported that; "a massive fire broke out at [the studio] early Sunday morning, destroying backlot property." In an update they also stated that; "several studio streetscapes, including those of New York and New England, were lost, and that an estimated third of a square mile had burned."

New York burning may suck but who really needs New England? The studio tours are closed, but thank god the theme park will be open.

So is this one of the first plagues from the apocalypse I predicted? Probably...not! We would keep you updated but I plan to go home and get drunk today. It is Sunday a man needs a break.  read more »

The sign that the apocalypse is coming will not be the four horsemen, it will be four "celebrities" who should not reproduce -- reproducing, and it is already halfway completed. First was Nicole Ritchie, next Clay Aiken, in 2009 Paris Hilton, and the fourth soon to be announced. These will be the spawn that usher in hell on earth and it will be the end for us all. You better start praying and burn your porn collection, we are all going to be judged by Clay Aiken's baby! Damn American Idol, it is their fault for unleashing him on us.

People has confirmed that Aiken has reproduced.

A rep for the pregnant woman's brother, told People that TMZ's " Story is true. It is true Clay is the father. She was artificially inseminated by Clay. She's due in August."  read more »

Why? No really, I'm not kidding, why is this happening? I thought when he got the boot last season I was rid of this kid, but here he is, still singing...  read more »