Bai Ling

One thing I have learned from writing this crap for over two-years is how to control my gag reflex, but it took all my training not to spew my Jim Beam and Egg Sandwich all over my monitor this morning. According to Page Six Mickey Rourke was spotted partying with Sean Penn, Penn's wife and Bai Ling.

"The star of "The Wrestler" was at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood the other night when, our witnesses said, Rourke was accosted by fame-craving Bai Ling. Rourke was only too happy to oblige the Chinese-born actress and the two 'made out and partied pretty hard.' "

Just the thought of Rourke's deformed lips sucking on Ling's mutant nipples caused my penis to shrink into my stomach. If this is the consolation prize for winning a Golden Globe, than I'm glad I will never be winning one.

We have all seen Bai Ling's mutant nipples plenty. It looks like she has an extra toe growing out of each of her breasts, however it must have been the first time for the cameraman behind her because he looks shocked.

Ling's nipples always reminded me of Kuato from Total Recall, and we all remember how we felt the fist time we saw him; shocked, appalled but now all these years later he looks kind of cute.  read more »

Times are tough everywhere, including in Hollywood, where Bai Ling resorted to stealing sixteen dollars worth of merchandise at LAX...  read more »