Heidi Montag

I'm pretty sure Heidi Montag said she wasn't going to lip-sync at the Miss Universe competition, but I not sure how she could even sing her new single "Body Language," there is nothing really to sing. It is like a cross between the Beverly Hills Cop theme and Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me” (I stole the "Rockwell" comment from EW.com, but they nailed it with that reference). It's just one of those songs that is all auto-tuner, backups, and studio tricks. Think photoshop, airbrushing and "star wipe" but for music (I swear there is a star wipe in that song somewhere). Plus TMZ said that production staffers did not want her to sing, because they were afraid she would not remember the words.

In short -- Of course she lip-synced!

The only way I can describe the dancing is, it was like watching one of those Van Halen videos, where David Lee Roth, made the rest of the band do those choreographed routines. Or like Reese Witherspoon's dance number at the end of Vanity Fair, where she just stood there while people danced around her. You know Heidi's backup dancers were rolling their eyes at that bitch the entire "performance."

The saddest thing about the whole mess is that I actually think I'm starting to like the song "Body Language." I'm afraid it may creep onto my Ipod some drunken night. I know it would be like listening to a dollar store Britney Spears, but sometimes I liked the dollar store toys I got as a kid. I was quite fond of a few of them to be honest... Anywhoo watch the video of Montag below, and let us know your thoughts.

Sometimes you just have to let things go, like baseball cards, it is a dying and dated hobby. Another example is the Miss Universe Beauty Pageant , the only time people care about that crap is when a scandal is involved.

And now Donald Trump's plan to save it is to have Heidi Montag perform at it. I didn't even know that Montag "performed." What the hell does she do? We are talking about the chick who can't even get posing nude right!

It's official Hugh Hefner is senile! He paid Heidi Montag money to appear in Playboy clothed!?! The world should hold a public burning for this fuckery!

Consider this a PSA for people dumb enough to buy a Montag Playboy in the first place. SHE IS NOT NUDE! If you all ready purchased an issue, wipe your ass with it and send it overnight mail to the Playboy Mansion ASAP!

I know this is old news to some, but I purposely ignore all Montag and Pratt headlines so I missed the announcement a few days ago. I did not realize she was not naked until SheSoCrazy (site NSFW or people under the age of 18) published the pictures today.

Check out her raciest picture from Playboy after the jump!  read more »

I'm really, really sick, but here is the video of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt on the Today show and what they told Ryan Seacrest afterwards.

Pratt said, " I'm still trying to figure out, was the weatherman asking us questions? I thought we were getting interviewed by Matt Lauer or something."

Heidi added, "I was shocked at how rude he was - I was crying afterwards because I couldn't believe I felt personally attacked. I wanted to say to him, do you feel proud of how you're talking to me right now? I'm just a young woman and you're coming at me so aggressively and meanly and mean-spirited. I really would advise women especially to be careful around him because I feel like he definitely came and attacked me and I did not appreciate that at all."  read more »

I should have written this story a year or so ago and just published it as fact, because we all knew that it would happen someday. Seriously, this is less news worthy than Adam Lambert "coming out of the closet," because both stories are like reporting that the sky is blue.

According to People Heidi Montag has posed for the September issue of Playboy.

While I have no idea about religion, I'm pretty sure most of them frown upon posing nude in magazines, but a source assured us, "There is nudity. It's tasteful – she had a lot of fun with it."

So I guess because it was "tasteful" nudity that makes it okay for Montag who once told Blender, "I'm very religious. That's how I've gotten to where I am."

I'm sure god and her bank account are very proud!  read more »

Heidi Montag's mom has never been a fan of douchebag Spencer Pratt, perhaps because she is smart? However, you would think she would at least burry the hatchet for her daughter's marriage, you may also want to think again.

Darlene Egelhoff recently told US magazine that the marriage won't last six months, and that she wouldn't be surprised if Montag was drugged.

"Spencer has tried to cut everyone out of her life. I've been honest with Heidi, and it's caused our relationship to decline. I'm more devastated about that than the marriage, because I'm confident the marriage won't work out."

"I would like to see a blood test from Mexico. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had her drugged."

We all know that the couple's fake marriage was just another opportunity for a photo opp and for them to get free shit. They will probably stage another legal wedding then immediately sell the photo rights to their divorce.

I wonder if US weekly will be dumb enough to pay them for those pictures also?

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt may be geniuses. The AP is reporting that their so-called wedding may be a sham.

"Images given to Us Weekly by the couple, show the pair at various stages of a wedding ceremony at a chapel near Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on Nov. 20. The accompanying story features an interview with the Montag and Pratt, as well as details about the rings, Montag's dress, and the content of their handwritten vows. The story does not address whether they obtained a marriage license or took part in a separate civil ceremony, which is required by Mexican law to make the union binding. A couple can register their marriage up to 10 days after a ceremony, but California does not recognize marriage ceremonies outside the United States, according to the state's Department of Public Health."

You also have to go through a five day process to get married in Mexico, but there is no proof that the couple actually completed it or not. It includes getting a health certificate, blood tests, providing legal documents and not being a douchebag, which means Pratt is not eligible... Just kidding!

But think about this -- Stage a fake marriage in Mexico, sell the pictures to Us Weekly, make headlines, make headlines again because marriage is not legal, hold real wedding, and sell those pictures to another tabloid = GENIUS!

Their publicist, Rick Rhodes, told the AP he knew nothing about the marriage. "I'm not privy to any of that information. If there was a wedding I wasn't invited ... Sorry!"

Umm that is because they eloped dumbass, people are not normally invited to such events.

The couple that redefined the word douchebag, and the art of the staged paparazzi photograph, decided to elope? You got to be kidding me, we're talking about the shit-for-brains Heidi Montag that held a photo-op at an ATM for god's sake!

Oh wait a minute, never-mind, UsWeekly just happened to be there to cover the entire event. I wonder how much that coverage cost them? Too much if you ask me.I wouldn't have gave them two Mexican whores and a shot of tequila to cover this fuckery-fest!

The couple of assholes got married in Mexico on November 20th. Somebody posted the entire magazine spread here, so you don't have to waste your money or time glancing at it at the grocery store. So there you have it, dick-head and dumb fuck finally did it. Lets just hope they get divorced before they reproduce!

They seriously went to a real Taco Bell to take these pictures of Heidi Montag for Global Hunger Awareness. You think they would have just shot it in a studio, so we wouldn't be able see the boxes of cup lids and the dirty floor. Actually the floor is pretty clean for a Taco Bell, but it does have various taco pieces strewn about. Maybe they would have swept a little better if they had an actual celebrity visiting their store, but for Montag you just kick the shit under the counter and under the rug.

Whoever thought pictures of Montag and Taco Bell would raise awareness for world hunger should be killed and fed to the hungry themselves. All this picture raised was vomit in my throat and memories of explosive diarrhea. What did the starving do to deserve this? I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  read more »

There is an old horror film called Killer Workout (aka Aerobicide), even though it may be one of the best horror movies ever made, myself and one other person only knows of its existence... Until now! Heidi Montag's new "music video" reminds me of it too much. The sad part is, Killer Workout's music montages and songs are better than hers. Not to mention her video runs for 10-minutes!

10 minutes of Heidi Motnag is even probably too much for that asshole, Spencer Pratt. He has to take her in smaller doses than that. Anyway below is 1 video from Killer Workout and Heidi's video, see if you can guess which is which!