Idol War

Last night, American Idol eliminated four contestants; two from the men's side, and two from the women's side. The truth is they should've eliminated much more than that, but I guess FOX has sponsors to please, so this thing will have to last until May.

It's hard to find any of these cuts shocking when the performers themselves force you to spend the entire episode watching the clock, praying for it all to end.  read more »

The first week of live American Idol performances nears it's conclusion as the Top 12 Guys take the stage. So far there are no Adam Lambert's, David Cook's, or Kris Allen's, but it's still early, so there's still hope thanks to Andrew Garcia, Casey James, and Alex Lambert's mullet. Also, Tim Urban might have been pretty weak, but the cute boy factor will save him and a few others.

Last year's IDOL WAR champ Mickey weighs in on the Top 12 Men's Performance night after the jump.  read more »

Alright ya bums, Mickey's back, and if ya ain't here to play hard, sing hard, and win this sucker, then the Mickster wants nuttin' ta do wit ya. Got it? I got a taste o' the win last year when my team of aces not only crushed the Idol War competition, but dominated the Top 2. I'm scouting the talent this year wit an eye on taking the title two years runnin', and if youse ain't got the same goal in mind, then hit the road!

The Top 12 girls "performed" tonight, and for some o' youse that mean's ya stood on the stage with a microphone and made my flamin' ears bleed! I feel like the crop this year falls into three distinct catergories, and I've ranked youse accordingly.  read more »

Wow. Kris Allen is the 2009 American Idol. Who would’ve thought all those weeks ago when you seemed to virtually materialize out of thin air on the Top 36 stage that you would take home the crown? When I first picked you for my Idol War Team, I recall explaining to a surprised Colonel that I chose you because I thought your hotness would earn me points for a few weeks. I was playing a strategy, not realizing that I was inadvertently picking the winner.

Randy has said ad nauseam throughout the season that this is “a singing competition,” but to paraphrase Jamie Foxx, that does not mean it is necessarily the “throat Olympics.” Despite Randy’s mid-eighties, early nineties diva definition of singing, the actual art of singing involves more than just the ability to hit every note in creation. Singing also involves emotional connection, the ability to tell a story, and the ability to know how to use what you have. I’m not saying that Adam doesn’t possess these qualities, but I think Kris most certainly does and that is why the viewing audience felt compelled to vote for him. As much as Adam’s season long string of surprises changed the game, so did Kris’ win. In many ways it shows that the contest has evolved from focusing solely on who has the biggest range; now there is a case for who has shown the most artistic growth; who has overcome the odds, connected with, and surprised the audience by thriving despite the lack of hype.

If you look back on the season, there are definitely enough great performances that make a case for Kris Allen’s triumph.  read more »

Welcome to Idol War 2Snaps' gayer version of fantasy football, where three coaches compete in an American Idol competition by betting points on the contestants while evaluating their performances and offering advice.

Last week 'coach' The Colonel Gary G. was eliminated when his final team member Danny Gokey was voted off. Making Andrew "Mickey" Walsh the 2009 Idol War champ!

For complete rules click here.

Idol War Standings:
Andrew “Mickey” Walsh - 780
The Colonel Gary G - 760
Tha Coach WIL Double - 440

Wil was eliminated from the Idol War competition with the loss of Allison Iraheta.

America. I believe in you once more. For a second year in a row, you handed the Idol producers their scripts back and told them to try again. You opposed the suffocating supremacy of pop culture mediocrity and sent the smug, charmless, package artist, known as Danny Gokey, to the Idol 3rd runner up dustbin where Nikki Mckibben, Kimberly Locke, Jasmine Trias, Vonzell Solomon and Syesha Mercado are all waiting with autographed copies of their new CDs.

Danny, what else is their to say. Now that your gone, and out of my face, I can enjoy the finale. But at least I finally understand your appeal courtesy of that adorable little girl. And I quote..

American Idol quote of the year!

"Have you or your family ever had malaria?"

"Good obviously the malaria nets are working." -- Carrie Underwood

Welcome to Idol War 2Snaps' gayer version of fantasy football, where three coaches compete in an American Idol competition by betting points on the contestants while evaluating their performances and offering advice.

For complete rules click here.

Idol War Standings:
Andrew “Mickey” Walsh - 780
The Colonel Gary G - 760
Tha Coach WIL Double - 440

Wil was eliminated from the Idol War competition with the loss of Allison Iraheta.  read more »

Welcome to our American Idol Final Three Preview aka the week Kris Allen goes home.

Today we have our normal Idol and Idol War preview plus two videos: The first is an awkward moment where Paula Abdul gives Scott MacIntyre a guide dog he doesn't seem to want or need. The second is a hilarious video of Danny Gokey forgetting the words to "Billie Jean." This is a must watch for Gokey haters.

Videos after the jump!

Idol War Preview
Idol War Rules

Idol War is 2Snaps' gayer version of fantasy football. Three coaches compete in an American Idol competition by betting points on the contestants while evaluating their performances and offering advice.

Idol War Standings:
Andrew “Mickey” Walsh - 780
The Colonel Gary G - 760
Tha Coach WIL Double - 440

Wil was eliminated from the Idol War competition with the loss of Allison Iraheta.

American Idol Preview
Theme: Judges' Choice -- Each contestant will sing two songs, one that the judges selected and one they chose for themselves.
Last Week's Loser Allison Iraheta
Last Week's Bottom Three: None
Vote For the Worst Pick: Danny Gokey

EW's Power Rankings

3. Danny Gokey: (Last week: No. 4)
2. Kris Allen: (Last week: No. 3)
1. Adam Lambert: (Last week: No. 1)

Tonight we watch the top three performances, tomorrow the Idol War coaches offer their advice and place their bets. Wednesday we watch the results and Thursday the losing coach says good bye to his eliminated Idol.  read more »

Well that is it! Not only is Allison Iraheta gone but so am I. I was the rookie Idol War coach and it was a fun first run, but I am out of team members and have lost the game. Looking back at my team I don't even know how I made it this far, Jasmine Who?, Megan Corky and The Blind Grinch Scotty Mac may have been the worst Idol team ever! Allison, my little firecracker of hope I have to thank you for keeping us in the fight this long.

I really had no hope for you in the beginning, but you quickly won me over and watching you go home was the saddest thing I had to do this year. Perhaps if America could have seen a thirty-something year old, straight, alcoholic male sobbing in his bedroom as you sang your final song they would have stopped the competition and let you stay. It was a sad pathetic moment and perhaps I should reevaluate my life but this isn't about me... it's about you.

What is there to really say? Your elimination was not shocking like Daughtry's and you didn't lose out to any Cunty McPhee's or "Tard Patrols," and that makes your loss even less disappointing, because besides Danny and His Dead Wife the final three are not that bad. Unfortunately sexually safe pansies like Kris win American Idol -- the kind of guy who brings women flowers and studies where the G-spot is -- NOT men like Daughtry who may want to stick a finger in your butt or do it doggy style. American Idol is a world of 16-year-old girls who do not vote for other 16-year-old girls and obese fat women who eat their feelings and read romance novels. You never had a chance, especially when your fans were half passed out from too much whiskey and Red Bull to vote most of the time.

You did everything right while people like Lil Rounds did everything wrong. You broke out of your shell, you picked the right songs and you changed from a shy 16-year-old into an awkward 17-year-old. Like Simon said all along, this is what hurt you in the competition, but I don't know what more you could have done. So this is good bye to you, our Idol War team, and my 100 points that I lost giving me a final total of 440 points. The next two weeks coaches Andrew and Gary battle it out with Kris, Adam and Gokey while we sit on the sidelines and watch.

Oh yeah! If you do put out an album I will buy it instead of illegally downloading it as my thank you for making my return to American Idol worth it. -- Tha Coach Wil Double

Idol War Standings:
Andrew “Mickey” Walsh - 780
The Colonel Gary G - 760
Tha Coach WIL Double - 440  read more »

Due to "technical" difficulties coach THE COLONEL GARY G's Idol War critique was a little late.

You can read part one of the Final Four (Allison, Kris, Adam) here. For complete rules click here.

Idol War is 2Snaps' gayer version of fantasy football. Three coaches compete in an American Idol competition by betting points on the contestants while evaluating their performances and offering advice.

An utter embarrassment. That's what you were Mister Gokey. Remember how in season six when Lakisha Jones, who had been flaming out hard for weeks, on her last note of the last song she sang literally ran out of breath, signaling her Idol end. Lets hope that your uncomfortably over shot screech at the end of "Dream On" is a repeat of this. Did you really believe you could out-scream Adam "Hell Screech" Lambert? You're a fucking tool.

Why is your ego so ill proportioned to your talents and looks? After eight weeks you have contributed exactly ONE memorable performance while Adam, Kris and Allison have given us the kinds of defining Idol moments that will become part of Idol's history along with Fantasia's "Summertime", Carrie's "Alone", Bo Bice's "In A Dream", Ruben's "Superstar", Melinda Doolittle's "Have A Nice Day", Blake Lewis' "You Give Love A Bad Name" and David Cook's "Always Be My Baby". Will you ever join their ranks. Well theres two more weeks left so you should probably get a start on that.

How did this happen? How is it possible that you could even be considered a front runner. I should have forgotten you already along with that gay Spanish kid. You're an okay singer but your also a charmless, insufferable attention whore with an overinflated sense of self and it's time you are gone from my sight. What a waste of 100 Points.