Melrose Place

Apparently, when the producers of the new Melrose Place decided to revive the nineties classic, they only watched the first half of season one, because Sydney and Amanda aside, this show is boring me to tears.

No one wants a tame, sane version of a series whose highlights included: a psychotic doctor getting her wig ripped off, Traci Lords, a tenant joining a cult, a death in the swimming pool, a bride getting pushed into said swimming pool, two hookers, a number of faked deaths, and the entire building getting blown up. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

How on earth did you manage to create a sexless, moral values affirming nighttime soap?

I already know what it's like to live in a boring apartment complex. I don't need to watch it on T.V.

So CW, what gives?  read more »

The biggest drama on Melrose Place this season has been Ashlee Simpson's awful acting, and even her being fired wasn't that dramatic since the only person who disagreed was her sister Jessica Simpson. In all my years of TV watching I can't recall a time when every person in the universe agreed that someone sucked so bad that they needed to go. But this isn't about Simpson (Who I will miss. Her awfulness was starting to become something I looked forward to each week) this is about how boring Melrose has become.

I was a fan of the new show, but as each week passes I lose more and more interest. Where is the drama and sleaze? The biggest scandal this year; Riley kissing Auggie and Lauren becoming a hooker! That shit would have been scandalous in 1987 not 2009! Where it the sex, the back stabbing, the lesbians? Shit Gossip Girl and Heroes has been racier this season.

It is time to up the ante Melrose, someone needs to die, be raped and have a threesome. Kill off Riley, have Ashlee the bomb restaurant she works at, bring Sydney back as a zombie... Just do something because the show is starting to resemble Sesame Street by today's standards.

Seriously a kissing scandal? You have to do better than that!

The new Fall TV schedule is killing me. There is just too much to watch. I put together a 2snaps approved Fall TV viewing guide after the article I plagiarized from US magazine.

Heather Locklear will reprise her role as scheming ad vixen Amanda Woodward on the new CW version of Melrose Place. She will make her debut appearance Nov. 17.

"We're ecstatic to have the chance to bring Amanda Woodward back to Melrose Place," executive producers Todd Slavkin & Darren Swimmer said in a statement. "Heather's involvement in the show is something we've been working on for some time as we couldn't imagine creating and producing this show without the iconic character's inclusion."

Approved Fall TV Schedule

Monday - NFL Football

Sunday - Football
Desperate Housewives (9:00) ABC  read more »