Movies

Lindsay Lohan's last real job was playing a nun in the Robert Rodriguez exploitation flick Machete. These are some promo pictures for the movie that keep popping up on the interwebs. The reason I'm posting them is because it's rare to see pictures of Lohan working these days. Plus they're pretty bad ass, although she does look a little confused in some. Focus Lindsay! Focus!

Rodriguez makes good on expanding his Grindhouse fake trailer Machete into a feature film with this Overnight Productions picture. Danny Trejo will once again star as the knife-wielding vigilante who nearly dies in an assassination conspiracy, only to return later on and seek vengeance against those who wronged him. Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson, and Jeff Fahey fill out the supporting cast.

In theaters September 3, 2010.  read more »

Diora Baird seems to be upset over a trailer (watch here) for the horror movie Night of the Demons where she appears to be topless. The scene is a recreation of the infamous Linnea Quigley "disappearing lipstick" moment from the original 1988 film with the same name.

Baird posted two tweets in response to the footage:

“Due to some of your comments, let me make this clear. In the trailer for, well, lets just call it ‘Film by idiot f*ck heads’……”

“I am NOT naked. That is NOT me. Nor do I get naked in the movie,” Baird tweeted. “What you see is just a prosthetic piece. In the movie, that is obvious.”

Night of the Demons arrives on DVD just in time for Halloween on October 19, 2010.

Synopsis

The film follows Angela Feld throwing the Halloween party to end all Halloween parties at the infamous Broussard Mansion in New Orleans, where dark events transpired almost a century ago. But when the packed party gets busted by the police, Angela and her friends Maddie, Lily, Suzanne, Colin, Dex and Jason are the only ones left behind. Soon Colin and Angela make a grisly discovery in the basement and inexplicable events start to take place. With the mansion gates mysteriously locked, the seven find themselves trapped for the night...and soon they're fighting ancient demons for their very souls.  read more »

Black Swan follows the story of Nina (Natalie Portman), a ballerina in a New York City ballet company whose life, like all those in her profession, is completely consumed with dance. She lives with her retired ballerina mother Erica (Barbara Hershey) who zealously supports her daughter's professional ambition. When artistic director Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel) decides to replace prima ballerina Beth MacIntyre (Winona Ryder) for the opening production of their new season, Swan Lake, Nina is his first choice. But Nina has competition: a new dancer, Lily (Mila Kunis), who impresses Leroy as well. Swan Lake requires a dancer who can play both the White Swan with innocence and grace, and the Black Swan, who represents guile and sensuality. Nina fits the White Swan role perfectly but Lily is the personification of the Black Swan. As the two young dancers expand their rivalry into a twisted friendship, Nina begins to get more in touch with her dark side with a recklessness that threatens to destroy her.

In theaters December 1, 2010.  read more »

It’s been a while since I’ve written a review, and there’s a very sad story behind it. After viewing a free screening of Charlie St. Cloud a couple of weeks ago I went legally blind for a couple of days. After going to the doctor, she asked me what I think might have happened, and after I responded viewing Charlie St. Cloud, she proceeded to laugh raucously and then kicked me in the testicles for being “a fucking moron” likening watching Cloud to drinking a gallon of paint thinner. A lot of other people went blind during that screening, and unlike me some haven’t fully recovered. We can only pray for them.

I’m still holding out hope, but it seems like I got off light because there was a report that a 10-year old girl, Suzie Johnsonhead of Madeuptown, Missouri actually murdered her mother, father and little brother Brutus for making her watch Charlie St. Cloud instead of Dinner for Schmucks or The Other Guys like she suggested. Little Suzie has been given a scholarship to the Ivy League school of her choice when she comes of age and the Dalai Lama has commended her as Ambassador of Peace. Now I wished I murdered her mother and father, though killing her little brother seems a little extraneous since he was only 7. We SOCSCers (Survivors of Charlie St. Cloud) still suffer from night terrors, but time and the occasional good movie tend to heal all wounds.

Happy to say I’m almost ready to forgive Zac Efron for ruining everyone’s life, because she seems like a decent enough girl who just keeps making really bad movies. Hope she does well making High School Musical 27...  read more »

Here is the trailer for the highly anticipated Christina Aguilera flick Brulesque, in theaters November 24, 2010.

Ali (Aguilera) is a small-town girl with a big voice who escapes hardship and an uncertain future to follow her dreams to LA. After stumbling upon The Burlesque Lounge, a majestic but ailing theater that is home to an inspired musical revue, Ali lands a job as a cocktail waitress from Tess (Cher), the club's proprietor and headliner. Burlesque's outrageous costumes and bold choreography enrapture the young ingenue, who vows to perform there one day.

Soon enough, Ali builds a friendship with a featured dancer (Julianne Hough), finds an enemy in a troubled, jealous performer (Kristen Bell), and garners the affection of Jack (Cam Gigandet), a bartender and fellow musician. With the help of a sharp-witted stage manager (Stanley Tucci) and gender-bending host (Alan Cumming), Ali makes her way from the bar to the stage. Her spectacular voice restores The Burlesque Lounge to its former glory, though not before a charismatic entrepreneur (Eric Dane) arrives with an enticing proposal..  read more »

I guess this movie is Scientology approved...Unlike The Dark Knight! Directed by Troy Nixey and starring Katie Holmes, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark arrives in theaters January 21, 2011.

Sally (Bailee Madison), a lonely, introverted child, has just arrived at the 19th century mansion her father (Guy Pearce) and his girlfriend (Holmes) are restoring. While exploring the sprawling estate, Sally discovers a hidden , long-undisturbed basement. Unwittingly, she unleashes a race of malevolent, dark-dwelling creatures who intend to drag her and her family down into the mansion's bottomless depths.  read more »

Inception - Dom Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a skilled thief, the absolute best in the dangerous art of extraction, stealing valuable secrets from deep within the subconscious during the dream state, when the mind is at its most vulnerable. Cobb's rare ability has made him a coveted player in this treacherous new world of corporate espionage, but it has also made him an international fugitive and cost him everything he has ever loved. Now Cobb is being offered a chance at redemption. One last job could give him his life back but only if he can accomplish the impossible-inception. Instead of the perfect heist, Cobb and his team of specialists have to pull off the reverse: their task is not to steal an idea but to plant one. If they succeed, it could be the perfect crime. But no amount of careful planning or expertise can prepare the team for the dangerous enemy that seems to predict their every move. An enemy that only Cobb could have seen coming. (Box office estimates from Box Office Mojo. Synopsis from IMDB.com.)

1. Inception - $27,520,000 ($193,348,000)
2. Dinner for Schmucks - $23,300,000
3. Salt - $19,250,000 ($70,800,000)
4. Despicable Me - $15,543,000 ($190,349,000)
5. Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore - $12,525,000
6. Charlie St. Cloud - $12,136,000
7. Toy Story 3 - $5,035,000 ($389,674,000)
8. Grown Ups - $4,500,000 ($150,713,000)
9. The Sorcerer's Apprentice - $4,320,000 ($51,881,000)
10. The Twilight Saga: Eclipse $3,965,000 ($288,200,000)

Here is a perfect example of why I avoid Comic Con. Why would I want to pay money to watch clips and trailers that are going to be online a few days later anyway? I rather catch them in the comfort of my own home, for free, drunk, while I fondle my balls and sniff my fingers.

And while I'm bitching... Thor is going to suck. They can't even get the character right in his own comic book 90% of the time. The Mighty Thor is not an action hero. The first two-minutes of this clip looks like a bad Dolph Lundgren movie. And who the fuck is Chris Hemsworth? The guy from Punisher: War Zone should be playing Thor. He made a great Titus Pullo in Rome. Why the hell is he playing Volstagg? Wasn't he the fat guy from the comic? This is going to be a bad action movie, with more bad wink at the camera comedy. I will bet my white power music collection on it!

Thor will be in theaters on May 6, 2011.  read more »

Here is the trailer for Zack Snyder's (Dawn of the Dead, Watchmen) Sucker Punch.

Set in the 1950s, Sucker Punch follows Babydoll (Emily Browning) who is confined to a mental institution by her stepfather, who intends to have her lobotomized in five days. While there, she imagines an alternative reality to hide her from the pain, and in that world, she begins planning her escape, needing to steal five objects to help get her out before she is deflowered by a vile man.

A super supporting cast is headed by Abbie Cornish, Vanessa Hudgens, Jena Malone, Jamie Chung, and Carla Gugino.

Sucker Punch will be in theaters everywhere on March 25, 2011.  read more »

Director Oliver Stone plans to show Hitler some love with his planned 10-part documentary called Oliver Stone's Secret History of America.

Stone says, "Hitler was a Frankenstein but there was also a Dr Frankenstein. German industrialists, the Americans and the British. He had a lot of support. Hitler did far more damage to the Russians than the Jewish people."

"We can't judge people as only 'bad' or 'good,'" Stone told the Television Critics Association. "[Hitler] is the product of a series of actions. It's cause and effect. People in America don't know the connection between WWI and WWII."

Stone thinks the "Jewish domination of the media" is why Hitler has such a bum rap. Mel Gibson probably agrees.

"There's a major lobby in the United States. They are hard workers. They stay on top of every comment, the most powerful lobby in Washington. Israel has fucked up United States foreign policy for years."  read more »