Vanessa Hudgens wants Zac Efron to Stop Being a Sissy Little Girl

Slow news day for you idiots?

How do you know when an actor has reached top-notch status in Hollywood?

One indicator is when you're the most-searched-male name on the Internet. But the number one gauge is when said actor is hiding away and the shoddy news rags can't find any information on him. What do they do? They make up stories. Yes, that's right. The more outlandish, the better. Big Star's name has to be out there with something titillating for the fans to read.

The most farfetched item I found on Zac Efron this morning caused me to strangle on my coffee. After catching my breath, I went into fits of laughter. Here it is: Zac Efron is the father of the baby Britney Spears is supposedly carrying. Okay, I get it; Britney must be the "most searched" female on the Internet. Hmmm . . . let's put these two together. Think we should include something about aliens from outer space abducting them both? Nah . . . nobody would believe that. Let's just say he sent her a text message. Here, I'll create the message. Puff Ball, grab that camera and get a picture of this.

Has everyone stopped laughing yet? No. Well, take a deep breath and calm down. I have another story to relate. This one is about a zit. A story about a zit? What the hell? Wait, I haven't even told you the story, yet. Try to stay calm. This is a big one. It seems that "an inside source" revealed to Star Magazine that Zac . . . wait, I'm chocking on laughter here. You all know that "inside source" translates into WE MADE THIS UP, don't you?

Okay, on with the story. According to this "inside source" Zac threw a hissy fit in the car (the night of Stella's party) when he noticed a huge zit on the side of his face, and he refused to go into the party. Hold on, I need to get a tissue to dry the tears from my eyes.

Now, can anyone even remotely consider the possibility that a guy who ventures out and about in a surfer-dude pony tail . . . a guy who doesn't give a whit what people think of him . . . would go spastic over a zit? Hello!! These tabloids need to do a reality check and stop copying blog speculation. Do some real research on Zac.

Fortunately, there are about a zillion Zac Efron fans who know these bizarre tales are not true. Well, maybe some of the tween-age girls don't. But Zac and Vanessa will no doubt get a good laugh out of these fabricated tales.

Stay tuned. Tomorrow, we'll probably hear that Zac has been abducted by aliens and taken back to his home planet. Wait a minute . . . wasn't he raised by wolves?